I’m sorry you lost a friend in a similar way, but I’m grateful you read my piece. Also grateful for your openness to reading my out-there novel. I may indeed wind up self-publishing, though writing the book has been a blessing unto itself. Will see.
Maria, thank you so much. I know from your own writing some of what you’ve gone through, and I agree that that such stories (and there are far too many of them) point to a staggering lack of compassion. It should not be hard to see and treat each individual as a human being deserving of understanding and respect. And you’re right – the folks at NAMI and company need to recognize this as much as anyone. Hopefully, eventually, they will.
Thank you. Hard, yes. But I was fortunate, with both losses, to be supported by friends and family on my bumpy and ongoing path forward. And yes, far too many lies – or at the very least, failures to recognize harm due to longstanding blinders that shut out the truth.
Louisa, I am so sorry for all you’ve been through – and I’m so grateful to you for reading my sister’s story. Thank you for your compassion. Yes, writing the book has definitely been therapy – probably one reason when it’s taking me forever to finish it. But it is nearly done, whatever that means. And what a beautiful quote from Thomas Hood. Again, thank you.
Thank you, Ann. The book is definitely as intense as it is strange, but I’d like to think that it’s a decent read – though its publishability (not a word, but it should be) is the last thing that matters to me. And yes, everyone’s different. Multiple possible causes for distress, and multiple solutions. Seems so obvious, or it should be.
Thank you, Ryan! Stories like yours pierce my heart. I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through, but I’m so grateful you’re making your voice heard. The dehumanization of people in the prevailing model of care is outrageous, and each time I hear or read of a case, I’m shocked but not surprised. Thank you again, so much, for reading my piece, posting your comment with love — beaming it back at you — and pushing for change.
Kevin, thank you so much for this beautiful comment. Working on the book off and on these past years has helped me shape my understanding of Lucy and made me see and comprehend her in new ways. Whether or not I wind up publishing it, it’s been a gift – and it was a gift to write this piece and hear from readers in the MIA community. So again, thank you.
Blu, thank you for reading my piece about Lucy. I am so profoundly sorry for your withdrawal agonies – and I’m just as profoundly grateful for your resolve to stick around for your loved ones’ sakes. I know (without truly being able to know) that it can’t be easy. The strength it takes is enormous. So is the gift of yourself that you’re giving friends and family. Bless you and, again, thank you.
Thank you, Linda. I’m grateful I’m able to tell her story. And I’m sorry about your experience as a young person. Glad you mostly flushed the pills down the toilet! You knew better than the MD who prescribed them.
Thank you so much for these kind and moving words, Richard. Means so much to me that you and other MIA readers now know a bit about my beloved sister. And amen, we need profound change.
Yes. Though to be fair, an actual sachem would have done a far better job in treating my sister with compassion and comprehension of her humanity. The people in charge of psychiatry have a lot to learn from indigenous people.
Hi, Ann. He didn’t go into trauma at length but did touch on it, bringing it up as a significant difference between his and the biomedical approach:
“I don’t want to oversimplify the model. I just want to bring up one point—that this functional model, looking at nutritional deficiency in particular, it just optimizes someone’s brain health, if you will. It doesn’t dismiss [something] which is just so powerful and overwhelming in our field, [which] is trauma. It doesn’t dismiss the emotional abuse that is just rampant in our kids and adults. I believe the nutritional optimization just enables people to participate better in psychotherapy, in their healing journey, if they have suffered from trauma, or tragedies, or losses.”
He also spoke a bit about therapy, although we had to cut that for length.
Maria, thank you so much for reading my nutball memoir — and more, importantly, sharing some of your own story. Thank you, too, for sharing Desiderata, which I’ve always loved but haven’t read in some time and can always use as a boost and a check. Its message is as simple as it is profound: “Be gentle with yourself.” Amen.
Thank you, J. I absolutely agree that it’s important to make room, on MIA and elsewhere, for family members’ experiences. I appreciate Steve’s clarification that not all “mad” folks have abusive families, and I’d go further to add that many loved ones would say the same. My own childhood family, for instance, was wonderfully loving and the opposite of abusive, even in the midst of extraordinary shared struggles and profound individual pain. While my parents and sister are not around to confirm their perspectives on this, I’m sure they would agree. But again, everyone has a story. Some people aren’t as fortunate in their upbringings and family relations. And this is why Mad in America is such a significant gathering place for so many.
Thank you! And regarding the mind- and mood-altering nature of parenthood, I love your observation: “You could say it is like learning French for nine months in order to welcome a house guest.”
As I’ve often remarked to friends, having a kid feels like “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” Becoming a parent changes everything. There’s no going back to your previous frame of mind; how you see and relate to the world is permanently altered. Not just at your child’s birth. Forever. Or, to use your analogy: You never stop speaking French.
But I think the fascinating and important piece of Anne Peretz’ work is acknowledging that even so — especially so — parents are still carrying the weight of their own stories and trauma. Understanding our own narratives can only help us with our children moving forward.
Thanks! And yes, certainly there are lots of activities and elements of living that benefit well-being but I didn’t include. The list goes on. That’s one reason I included that little “not meant to be exhaustive” disclaimer. I realized, in the thick of working on this, that if I didn’t limit the scope of it, the story would go on more or less forever.
Well, hopefully a few steps can be made — and a few minds can be changed. I realize that any and all progress is agonizingly slow, but forward, forward.
Thanks so much for the mindful & meaningful comment, Kevin — and so sorry for all that you’ve been through. I’ve always been extremely skeptical of any metric purporting to test intelligence — and any effort to categorize people based on the results.
Thank you for reading it, Stevie! And yes, jazz — Hot Club swing especially — has been a particular passion for me in recent years. There’s something about being “in the pocket” that’s unlike anything else in music. And the blues, so simple and yet so. . . everything.
Thank you, Alex! Music plays a similar role in my own life, having carried me through some of my most difficult chapters of grief. As the piano is to you, the violin is to me, and a day without playing it feels empty and unfinished. I love how it takes my mind off of absolutely everything and connects me with something deeper, wider, greater. It’s hard (impossible) to articulate in words, but I keep trying!
Miranda, that’s absolutely perfect! In my own life, music has carried me through all the toughest days and years — and I can’t imagine making it through this pandemic without it.
Cabrogal, I reached out independently to participants — mostly via their Instagram accounts. Those who chose to speak with me responded. No interviews were arranged by the studio, and no one was forced into speaking with me. Reddy and Reddy alone gave me his account of the week. And for the record: I did, in fact, quote Brandonn Mixon complaining about his depiction on the show and saying he regarded its shooting as “staged.” To be sure, I also quoted plenty of others saying it wasn’t staged, but with all of them I was only conveying to the reader exactly what was said to me.
Again, I understand your skepticism. But again, you’ll see that I address that skepticism directly, talking about the nature of reality-shows and the urge, even the need, to question them.
Thanks so much, Sandra. I agree. I think the everyday compassion at play, and the way it promotes kindness and connection regardless of differences, is indeed the show’s most powerful message. When my son first suggested we watch it together I hadn’t expected that — and I certainly didn’t expect to be expelling all that saline!
Hello, Cabrogal – thanks for your comment. For what it’s worth, I completely understand the need to question a “happy ending’ story arc on movies or television, particularly when it comes to portraying people’s deeply complex humanity and individual pain. This is why I addressed up front my own skeptical questioning of tidy narratives conveying triumph & transformation. It’s also why I set out to interview the “Queer Eye” participants themselves — and I labored to convey what they had to say with accuracy and sensitivity.
And just to be clear: The production didn’t swoop in on them until they’d given their consent. As I went on to explain in the story, the timing of the stars’ arrival was engineered to catch participants off-guard — but they had already agreed to be on the show.
Kindred Spirit, I understand your skepticism, but Neal Reddy was very clear to me about his experience on “Queer Eye.” I spoke with him at length about his week, and he was candid in describing both his reluctance at the start of the show and all the positive change it had inspired in him by the end. He repeatedly emphasized the fact that he had never discussed his experience with depression pre-“Queer Eye” — and had never gone to therapy, either. He felt more at ease in expressing emotion as well.
Hi, Sam. As I described in the story, Karamo Brown is a licensed social worker & psychotherapist, although I don’t believe he’s working as such right now. The others all have businesses in their fields. And of course everyone’s arc of grief and recovery is different, but most of the folks I interviewed seemed to feel that their time on the show helped.
I’m sorry you lost a friend in a similar way, but I’m grateful you read my piece. Also grateful for your openness to reading my out-there novel. I may indeed wind up self-publishing, though writing the book has been a blessing unto itself. Will see.
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Thank you so much.
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Amen.
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Maria, thank you so much. I know from your own writing some of what you’ve gone through, and I agree that that such stories (and there are far too many of them) point to a staggering lack of compassion. It should not be hard to see and treat each individual as a human being deserving of understanding and respect. And you’re right – the folks at NAMI and company need to recognize this as much as anyone. Hopefully, eventually, they will.
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It’s been interesting to write! Not sure what anyone else will think of it, but thank you. Almost done.
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Thank you. Hard, yes. But I was fortunate, with both losses, to be supported by friends and family on my bumpy and ongoing path forward. And yes, far too many lies – or at the very least, failures to recognize harm due to longstanding blinders that shut out the truth.
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Thank you, Carol. So much!
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Louisa, I am so sorry for all you’ve been through – and I’m so grateful to you for reading my sister’s story. Thank you for your compassion. Yes, writing the book has definitely been therapy – probably one reason when it’s taking me forever to finish it. But it is nearly done, whatever that means. And what a beautiful quote from Thomas Hood. Again, thank you.
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Thank you, Ann. The book is definitely as intense as it is strange, but I’d like to think that it’s a decent read – though its publishability (not a word, but it should be) is the last thing that matters to me. And yes, everyone’s different. Multiple possible causes for distress, and multiple solutions. Seems so obvious, or it should be.
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Thank you, Ryan! Stories like yours pierce my heart. I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through, but I’m so grateful you’re making your voice heard. The dehumanization of people in the prevailing model of care is outrageous, and each time I hear or read of a case, I’m shocked but not surprised. Thank you again, so much, for reading my piece, posting your comment with love — beaming it back at you — and pushing for change.
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Kevin, thank you so much for this beautiful comment. Working on the book off and on these past years has helped me shape my understanding of Lucy and made me see and comprehend her in new ways. Whether or not I wind up publishing it, it’s been a gift – and it was a gift to write this piece and hear from readers in the MIA community. So again, thank you.
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Thank you, Debbie – and I’m so sorry this is all too familiar for you. As for the book, I hope to finish it soon. Again, thanks.
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Blu, thank you for reading my piece about Lucy. I am so profoundly sorry for your withdrawal agonies – and I’m just as profoundly grateful for your resolve to stick around for your loved ones’ sakes. I know (without truly being able to know) that it can’t be easy. The strength it takes is enormous. So is the gift of yourself that you’re giving friends and family. Bless you and, again, thank you.
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Thank you, Linda. I’m grateful I’m able to tell her story. And I’m sorry about your experience as a young person. Glad you mostly flushed the pills down the toilet! You knew better than the MD who prescribed them.
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Thank you, Mary.
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Thank you, Sam, for reading the piece – and for your words of condolence.
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Thank you so much for these kind and moving words, Richard. Means so much to me that you and other MIA readers now know a bit about my beloved sister. And amen, we need profound change.
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Yes. Though to be fair, an actual sachem would have done a far better job in treating my sister with compassion and comprehension of her humanity. The people in charge of psychiatry have a lot to learn from indigenous people.
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Hi, Ann. He didn’t go into trauma at length but did touch on it, bringing it up as a significant difference between his and the biomedical approach:
“I don’t want to oversimplify the model. I just want to bring up one point—that this functional model, looking at nutritional deficiency in particular, it just optimizes someone’s brain health, if you will. It doesn’t dismiss [something] which is just so powerful and overwhelming in our field, [which] is trauma. It doesn’t dismiss the emotional abuse that is just rampant in our kids and adults. I believe the nutritional optimization just enables people to participate better in psychotherapy, in their healing journey, if they have suffered from trauma, or tragedies, or losses.”
He also spoke a bit about therapy, although we had to cut that for length.
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And we’re grateful for all of you in the MIA community! Many thanks.
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Thank you so much!
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Thank you, Sam — and I’m sure you’re not! It’s a big brood on Mad in America, and every single one of us has a perspective and a voice.
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Maria, thank you so much for reading my nutball memoir — and more, importantly, sharing some of your own story. Thank you, too, for sharing Desiderata, which I’ve always loved but haven’t read in some time and can always use as a boost and a check. Its message is as simple as it is profound: “Be gentle with yourself.” Amen.
Report comment
Thank you, J. I absolutely agree that it’s important to make room, on MIA and elsewhere, for family members’ experiences. I appreciate Steve’s clarification that not all “mad” folks have abusive families, and I’d go further to add that many loved ones would say the same. My own childhood family, for instance, was wonderfully loving and the opposite of abusive, even in the midst of extraordinary shared struggles and profound individual pain. While my parents and sister are not around to confirm their perspectives on this, I’m sure they would agree. But again, everyone has a story. Some people aren’t as fortunate in their upbringings and family relations. And this is why Mad in America is such a significant gathering place for so many.
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Yes, these are examples of her “mirror writing” artworks, so they’re meant to be backwards.
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Thank you! And regarding the mind- and mood-altering nature of parenthood, I love your observation: “You could say it is like learning French for nine months in order to welcome a house guest.”
As I’ve often remarked to friends, having a kid feels like “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” Becoming a parent changes everything. There’s no going back to your previous frame of mind; how you see and relate to the world is permanently altered. Not just at your child’s birth. Forever. Or, to use your analogy: You never stop speaking French.
But I think the fascinating and important piece of Anne Peretz’ work is acknowledging that even so — especially so — parents are still carrying the weight of their own stories and trauma. Understanding our own narratives can only help us with our children moving forward.
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Thanks! And yes, certainly there are lots of activities and elements of living that benefit well-being but I didn’t include. The list goes on. That’s one reason I included that little “not meant to be exhaustive” disclaimer. I realized, in the thick of working on this, that if I didn’t limit the scope of it, the story would go on more or less forever.
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Well, hopefully a few steps can be made — and a few minds can be changed. I realize that any and all progress is agonizingly slow, but forward, forward.
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Thanks so much for the mindful & meaningful comment, Kevin — and so sorry for all that you’ve been through. I’ve always been extremely skeptical of any metric purporting to test intelligence — and any effort to categorize people based on the results.
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Thank *you,* Rebel.
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It’s also the name of the main building.
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Wow wow wow.Thank you for sharing this, DW. As Grrace just stated: beautiful piece.
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“. . . inadvertently gave me parts of themselves for me to heal” — now *that’s* putting it beautifully.
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Thank you for reading it, Stevie! And yes, jazz — Hot Club swing especially — has been a particular passion for me in recent years. There’s something about being “in the pocket” that’s unlike anything else in music. And the blues, so simple and yet so. . . everything.
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Thanks again, Alex. Blessings back!
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Thank you, Alex! Music plays a similar role in my own life, having carried me through some of my most difficult chapters of grief. As the piano is to you, the violin is to me, and a day without playing it feels empty and unfinished. I love how it takes my mind off of absolutely everything and connects me with something deeper, wider, greater. It’s hard (impossible) to articulate in words, but I keep trying!
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As it happens, I’m touching on some of that in my third story in the music series, to run Feb. 14.
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Miranda, that’s absolutely perfect! In my own life, music has carried me through all the toughest days and years — and I can’t imagine making it through this pandemic without it.
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Cabrogal, I reached out independently to participants — mostly via their Instagram accounts. Those who chose to speak with me responded. No interviews were arranged by the studio, and no one was forced into speaking with me. Reddy and Reddy alone gave me his account of the week. And for the record: I did, in fact, quote Brandonn Mixon complaining about his depiction on the show and saying he regarded its shooting as “staged.” To be sure, I also quoted plenty of others saying it wasn’t staged, but with all of them I was only conveying to the reader exactly what was said to me.
Again, I understand your skepticism. But again, you’ll see that I address that skepticism directly, talking about the nature of reality-shows and the urge, even the need, to question them.
Report comment
Thanks so much, Sandra. I agree. I think the everyday compassion at play, and the way it promotes kindness and connection regardless of differences, is indeed the show’s most powerful message. When my son first suggested we watch it together I hadn’t expected that — and I certainly didn’t expect to be expelling all that saline!
Report comment
Hello, Cabrogal – thanks for your comment. For what it’s worth, I completely understand the need to question a “happy ending’ story arc on movies or television, particularly when it comes to portraying people’s deeply complex humanity and individual pain. This is why I addressed up front my own skeptical questioning of tidy narratives conveying triumph & transformation. It’s also why I set out to interview the “Queer Eye” participants themselves — and I labored to convey what they had to say with accuracy and sensitivity.
And just to be clear: The production didn’t swoop in on them until they’d given their consent. As I went on to explain in the story, the timing of the stars’ arrival was engineered to catch participants off-guard — but they had already agreed to be on the show.
Report comment
Kindred Spirit, I understand your skepticism, but Neal Reddy was very clear to me about his experience on “Queer Eye.” I spoke with him at length about his week, and he was candid in describing both his reluctance at the start of the show and all the positive change it had inspired in him by the end. He repeatedly emphasized the fact that he had never discussed his experience with depression pre-“Queer Eye” — and had never gone to therapy, either. He felt more at ease in expressing emotion as well.
Report comment
Hi, Sam. As I described in the story, Karamo Brown is a licensed social worker & psychotherapist, although I don’t believe he’s working as such right now. The others all have businesses in their fields. And of course everyone’s arc of grief and recovery is different, but most of the folks I interviewed seemed to feel that their time on the show helped.
Report comment